WHAT DO THE HOLIDAYS MEAN TO YOU?

Happy Holidays!

When I first came to this country, as a new bride, I was struck by the concept of the 'holidays'.  By mid-November, every commercial on the radio was rhapsodizing about the holidays as was every talk show host and, even, strangers in queue at Macy's.  I wondered why Americans were so crazy about the holidays.  It's not that growing up in New Delhi we didn't glean what Christmas was.  But in a country where Christians are in a minority, it's not celebrated with the same gusto as it is in the Western world. 

After twenty-two years in this country, I can appreciate the holidays in a whole different light.  Here are the top 10 reasons why the holidays matter to me:

1.  It's an opportunity to spend quality time with one's family and friends, enjoy good food, music and chill out.
2. The holidays mean kindness.  For some reason, people are a little bit nicer to each other around this time of the year.  It seems as if we forget the craziness of life and just for a hot minute, we come back to the simplicity of what is truly important.
3. It's a special feeling to hear X'mas music and jingles on the radio and not Rihanna's "Diamonds in the Sky" for the 108th time.
4. There's a spirit of giving in the air that's universal.  Whether it's volunteering at the soup kitchen or putting together a food drive for the homeless shelter, everyone wants to do their bit for the less fortunate.
5. It's that time of the year when the night is even darker with wind and rain drumming against the windows like a novice drum player, yet the lit-up houses and trees bring a cheer to our hearts.
6. The holidays bring out our inner child.  If you have little ones you know the special joy of buying gifts for them and having them rip through them on X'mas morning.  Hell, I secretly still wish I believed in Santa Claus!

7. I'm a 117-lb workout nut.  But the holidays are that magical time of the year when I (and everyone else I know) doesn't mind gaining a few holiday pounds - it's worth it!  And, there's always January 1st.
8. It's that time of the year when every thing's on sale.  The great deal on the Chanel bag I've been waiting for, all year long...Yess!
9. It's a time for bonuses.  HALLELUJAH!
10.  It's a spiritual time.  For Christians, it means the birth of Jesus, for those of the Jewish faith, it can represent Hanukkah.  For those of African descent, it signifies the holiday of Kwanzaa that celebrates their heritage.  For Indians, the beginning of the holidays marks the occasion of Diwali or the Festival of Lights.  The beauty of America is that it allows each one of us to be ourselves.  And the holidays are just another time to recognize that.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH & IT'S CONNOTATIONS



Tiananmen Square student protest, 1989

"I am aware that many object to the severity of my language; but is there not cause for severity?  I will be harsh as truth, and as uncompromising as justice.  On this subject, I do not wish to think, or to speak, or write, with moderation.  NO! no! Tell a man who's house is on fire to give a moderate alarm; tell him to moderately rescue his wife from the hands of the ravisher; tell the mother to gradually extricate her babe from the fire into which it has fallen; - but, urge me not to use moderation in a cause like the present.  I am in earnest - I will not equivocate - I will not excuse - I will not retreat a single inch - AND I WILL BE HEARD."
-William Lloyd Garrison on the Abolition of Slavery

This week America celebrates Freedom of Speech Week (Oct. 22-28, 2012), which got me thinking: What does free speech really mean in countries that are still grappling with the notion?

Ergo, I and my family vacationed in China this summer.  Beginning our sightseeing tour in Beijing, I was curious to view Tiananmen Square, as any living, breathing American who remembered the protests and massacre of 1989, would.

Tiananmen Square is a large, city square in the center of Beijing named after the Tiananmen Gate (Gate of Heavenly Peace) located to its north, separating it from the Forbidden City.  Leading the way with a flourish, our tour guide, a young woman in her 30's, named Linda, began extolling the features of the historic site. 

"This is the place where the protests took place, right?" I queried innocently.

My question was met with stony silence.  Linda's pleasant face was creased with worry.

"This is where the students got killed?" I tried again, in the mistaken belief that Linda hadn't heard me the first time.

This time I couldn't disavow the frightened look tugging at her eyes.  Her face clammed up and she totally ignored me.

"Time to move on to The Forbidden City," she barked rapidly, shepherding my charges quickly away from the Square.

In Shanghai, the most populous city in the world and an undisputed financial hub of the modern world, I couldn't help but notice the surveillance cameras mounted on the top of every skyscraper, hotel, park, residential building and other popular gathering spot.  According to a story in the Toronto based newspaper, The Globe and Mail, Shanghai has an estimated 200,000 spy cameras installed and anotehr 200,000 are on the way within the next five years.

"Big Brother is always watching you, ehhh?" I asked Linda.

She smiled politely at me in response, but stoically avoided my question.

Rebuffed again, I slumped back in my car seat as I pondered Salman Rushdie's words:
"What is freedom of expression?  Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist."

AN INDIAN WEDDING.....



                           
               "Fill your paper with the breathing of your heart"
                                           -William Wordsworth

Today my heart breathes, lives and rejoices in attending a 4-day family wedding.  I board the flight from San Francisco to L.A. for my husband's niece's wedding, my 14 year-old daughter in tow.  I'd like to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, tell her how nostalgic I get anytime a daughter in the family gets hitched, because it reminds me of my own dreams for her.  But she has her nose glued to the window as we take off.  Midway through the flight, I lean in to talk to her again, but I find her furiously scrolling down her I-phone to catch the latest gossip about the school dance on Facebook.  And so, the moment passes.

To me, a Sikh wedding resembles a play in a theater.  A moving tableau of pictures, with emotions ranging from ecstasy to weepy.  The pre-wedding rituals begin with the Sangeet - a music and dance function; an evening of musical entertainment and merriment usually hosted by the bride's family.  A successful Sangeet party is one where everybody under the age of 60 is drunk and gyrating on the dance floor to Bhangra music in wild abandon.  Drinks are free-flowing, as are the chicken tikkas and chapli kababs. 

Hungover and hurting, you hurl out of bed the next day to attend the shagun or engagement.  This is a religious ceremony that typically takes place in a Gurudwara (Sikh temple).  The mood is solemn and decorous - the priest sings hymns of gratitude and invokes the name of the merciful Lord who will oversee the child's future, which her parents no longer can.  The occasion is marked by the families of the prospective bride and groom exchanging gifts in order to confirm the engagement of the couple.  The meal that follows is alcohol-free and vegetarian. 

Next day is the mehendi - the henna ritual where the bride's hands and feet are decorated with intricate patterns colored with henna.  Native lore has it that darker the color that sets on the skin the
deeper the love the bridegroom has for his bride.

The 4th day of festivities culminate in the wedding, which is a religious ceremony.  A Sikh wedding always takes place before noon.   The groom arrives on a bejeweled, white horse.  Family members dance in front of the horse as it trots at a gentle pace, and the entire procession called a baraat arrives at the Gurudwara accompanied by a deafening display of drums and vigorous dance. 

After a light breakfast, the groom's family settle inside the main hall of the temple and the bride makes a grand entrance with her bridesmaids.  The clothing has gotten more elaborate and ornate with each successive event.  At the wedding the bride wears a showy lehnga or salwar-kameez in red or pink.  The groom is similarly attired in a fancy sherwani with intricate embroidery and a traditional turban, with a huge, sparkly jewel attached to the tip of the turban.

It's all very romantic and vibrant - the bride sneaking a furtive glance at the groom underneath her mascaraed lashes, then blushing furiously when caught batting her eyelashes at the groom by the roomful of curious onlookers, the swagger of the groom as he tightens his grip on his ceremonial sword before making the nuptial rounds.   Everybody watches as the bride and the groom take the ceremonial 4 rounds around the Holy scriptures, the bride following behind the groom at a measured pace.

The nuptials are followed by lunch, and thereafter, by the doli or the traditional giveaway of the bride to the groom's family.  Not an eye is dry in the house when the oldest family member does ardas (prayer) for the girl's well-being in her new home. Family members are often reminded of days gone by, when arranged marriages were wrought with a real fear of the unknown for their daughter.

The plane skids to a halt on the tarmac.  I want to share the introspection I've experienced in reflecting on this cultural extravaganza.  I turn once again to my daughter.  "Let me tell you about Punjabi weddings, " I begin to launch into my parable.  "Save it, mom," she says crushingly, as only a 14-year old can, who knows nothing of nostalgia and its sad math.  Sigh:(

The doli decorated in a traditional manner




REMEMBERING 9/11



National Geographic picture

 

 

Imagine all the people,

living life in peace...

-John Lennon

 

                  And then, the twin towers exploded in a volcano of billowing smoke and human screams...

 

                 On the 11th anniversary of Sep. 11, I'm filled with both sadness and jubilation.  What happened in New York 11 years ago rocked our world so intensely that I'm stunned to discover that already 11 years have gone by.

 

                 11 years to reflect on untold, bloodied suffering; innocent lives lost in the carnage of war by an unseen enemy; the freedoms infringed by the passage of the Patriot Act, which ensures that no matter which American airport she flies out of or into, my daughter is searched because she wears an insulin pump; the tears shed when I attended a music concert the week after, and the names of the dead loomed large as they scrolled on the 60-foot screen.

 

                And yet, there is much to rejoice in.  If 11 years ago, it was an American nation savaged by brutality, then a year ago, it was an American nation that triumphed with the demise of Osama Bin Laden and the downfall of the Taliban.

 

                When President Obama announced the news from the Oval office that the Internet had been streaming for two hours before, I was brought to my knees, weeping with pure joy.  That unknown terror that stalked every American mind, when they boarded a plane, had been put to rest.

 

               I ran upstairs and scrounged through my son's toy box.  Rummaging through trucks missing tires, dog-eared books and misshapen and broken cars, I finally unearthed the crumpled two-foot American flag I'd been looking for.

 

              With nerveless fingers, I clawed through the damp soil and planted it jubilantly

among the low-growing shrubs in my front yard.  Let it be known, it said, as the tiny thing fluttered in the wind:

 

                                    "I'm proud to be an American"

 

 

 

 

L.A. Times picture



THE DRAMA OF THE NORTHERN GRID FAILURE

 

Commuters stranded @ Delhi Metro Rail station, pic. courtesy:The Hindu

Ever since I've been back, the question I've most frequently encountered is: "Were you there when the Northern grid collapsed?"

Yes, indeed I was.  On July 30, 2012, most New Delhi residents were awakened from a deep sleep, when their fans and air-conditioners stopped working.  They came out in herds, out of their
over-heated cement homes into a night atmosphere that was like an oven.  Temperatures in the city were in the 90 degrees F, with 89% humidity.

The blackout, the worst to hit India since 2001, began at 2:30 a.m. when the grid covering 8 northern states crashed.  It affected roughly 670 million people, or 10% of the world population and half of India's population.  Officials in Uttar Pradesh, where the problem was believed to have begun, blame three states for overdrawing power from the northern grid, leading to its collapse.

The outage left millions sweltering in the summer heat.  Limited power cuts are extremely common across India; hospitals, major businesses and upscale homes have backup diesel generators that seamlessly kick in during power outages.  Nonetheless, small businesses were forced to close down for the day.  Buildings were without water because the pumps weren't working, and the much-glorified New Delhi Metro, with 1.8 million daily rides was paralyzed during the morning commute.

My cab driver arrived late to pick me up for my daily rounds because the traffic coming from the airport was "murder," he said.  Flights were delayed and the power failure put traffic signals on a blink, causing massive traffic jams across the capital.  My dress designer sent me a text to wait awhile before starting from home, to allow power to return, she said.  Unused to Indian inefficiency, I texted her back, "I'm already on my way."  It took 15 hours from the time it began, for power to be restored - needless to say, I did my dress fittings in the dark!

Media outlets reported an outcry, with heated editorials and blogs calling for government reform.  Furious local citizens asked that electricity supply be opened to the private sector - as it ostensibly is in Mumbai, which therefore, is not crippled by inadequate supply.  It was big news for a day or two in the Capital, and then, at least for the common man, it was 'chalta hai' or business as usual.  While, with the politicians, the finger pointing and name calling...continues.

Vegetable vendors waiting for customers; pic.courtesy: Rediff.com

 

THINGS I PREFER IN THE U.S. VS. INDIA

As the country celebrated July 4th two weeks ago & Americans reaffirmed their commitment to freedom, life & liberty, and on the eve of my trip to India, it got me thinking:

What are the things I love about living in the U.S., my adopted country, vs. the things I love about the country I left behind?  (One of my favorite authors, Monica Pradhan, writes about it as well in her novel, The Hindi Bindi Club.)

THINGS I PREFER ABOUT INDIA

 1. Spirituality

2. Hospitality

3. Sense of community

4. Respect for elders

5. Cultural diversity

6. Family values

7. Multiple languages

8. Traditions & Celebrations

THINGS I PREFER ABOUT THE U.S.

1. Orderly traffic
2. Cleanliness
3. Safety
4. Education

5. Time means actual time, not the different time schedule Indians jokingly refer to as Indian Standard Time
6. Use of  'Please' & 'Thank you' & other common courtesies
7. Infrastructure
8. Work ethic
9. Respect for manual laborers & subordinates
10. Acceptance of outsiders
11. Relatively low corruption
12. Sense of pride for & maintenance of historical landmarks

VISITING INDIA IN 118 DEGREE WEATHER

My family and I are visiting my parents this summer for their 50th wedding anniversary celebration.  Both my brother (also an NRI or Non Resident Indian) and I are dreading the Delhi summer heat.  Every time we meet, the conversation veers off to the topic of getting roasted in the heat ...and stays there.  "I'm going to park myself in front of the a/c in the room and not leave," my brother swears.  My parent's home, like many homes in New Delhi does not have central air conditioning - individual air conditioners have to be mounted separately at considerable effort and expense.

My other brother, who's currently an expat, working and residing with his family in Gurgaon, Delhi visits the Bay Area every summer.  The Bay Area doesn't usually warm up until July or Aug. and can be counted on for unsettled weather, even a leftover winter storm or two.  Last year when my brother was visiting the U.S., a cool gust of wind rolled in from the hills, as we sat in my backyard.  I and my kids shivered in the 70 degree summer climate of the Bay Area, while my nephews, hailing from the 112 degree heat of Delhi clapped their hands and laughed in jubilation.  "What lovely weather!" they proclaimed, in sheer delight.

The blistering 120 degree weather is not the only menace that plagues Delhites in the summer.  Heat winds called loo that emanate from the Rajasthan desert create a risk of heat strokes, heat exhaustion and a real danger of dehydration.  So to prepare ourselves for the ruthless Delhi heat, I conducted an unscientific and somewhat goofy poll of how people keep their cool:

1. Drink plenty of water and other fluids.  The Indian version of lemonade or nimbu pani and coconut water are popular thirst-quenchers;
2. Throw yourself in the pool;
3. Eat a lot of salads and fresh fruits like watermelon;
4. Live on homemade mango ice-cream and chilled Rabri-falooda. (an ice-cream-like desert)  Ymm!
5. Use an umbrella, for shade, if walking.
6. Keep a hand-held fan when outdoors so that you don't get hot under the collar;
7. Wear light-colored cotton clothing;
8. Avoid moisturizer, specially if you have oily skin;
9. One good thing about the heat - it's the best way to shed those extra pounds!  In the blazing heat, no one has the appetite for oily or fried foods.  Fruits and light food items are a salve to the stomach;
10. If all else fails, head off to India's famed hill stations and enjoy their breathtaking beauty!

Celebrating Holi & other Indian festivals in the United States

This last month we celebrated Holi in the East Bay.  Yep, I know, Holi is celebrated at the end of the winter season and typically falls in the latter part of Feb. or March (this year it was on Mar. 8th), but in the San Francisco/Bay Area we have to wait till the weather warms up enough to give us a chance to enjoy this outdoor Spring festival.
Holi is one of the major festivals of India & is celebrated with extreme gusto and joy.  Holi got its name as the 'Festival of Colors' from Lord Krishna, a reincarnation of Lord Vishnu, who liked to play pranks on the village girls, drenching them in waters and colors. (Guide to the Holi Festival 2012 by Sharell Cook, Aboutcom.guide)  Smearing colored powder or gulal on friends and dear ones is the basic idea of Holi; no one is spared.  Both the young and the old enjoy throwing water balloons, dry colors and washable dyes on everyone in sight on the day of Holi.  In India, people wander the streets, with tin drums, armed with tons of colors and big syringes filled with colored water and at the end of the day, no one remotely resembles themselves.
Holi is also synonymous with bhang (a paste made from cannabis plants) which is consumed by many either in the form of a drink or in the form of ladoos (sweetmeats).

IF YOU'RE TRAVELING TO INDIA DURING HOLI SEASON, THIS IS WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT: It's a very carefree festival that's great fun to participate in, if you don't mind getting wet and dirty.  You'll end up saturated in water, with color all over your skin and clothes.  Some of it doesn't wash out easily, so be sure to wear old clothes.  Single women should avoid going out alone in public places during Holi, as inebriated young men pose a safety threat.  There have been incidents of men misbehaving by inappropriately touching women and making a nuisance of themselves.

If you take the right precautions, Holi can be a great experience!

 

TOP 5 THINGS NRI'S (NON-RESIDENT INDIANS) HATE ABOUT INDIA

My husband regularly engages in India bashing, as do a lot of my friends' spouses.  I too, on occasion have been known to slip into the mode of "I love visiting India b-ut....after 2 weeks, I hate 'so and so'."  So, in another goofy & thoroughly unscientific poll, here are the TOP 5 THINGS NRI'S (NON-RESIDENT INDIANS) HATE ABOUT INDIA:

1. CORRUPTION: Any NRI who has waited in line at a government office or bank will unequivocally tell you that the thing they hate about India is the high level of bureaucracy.  No 'Indian babu' will respond to an e-mail, letter or personal apperance, whether it be for the release of a pension check or a deed for a piece of land that belongs to you, unless their palms are greased.  Arrey bhai, 'sab chalta hai'! (in other words, everything goes)

2. THE POVERTY: Beggars touching you in marketplaces, begging for alms.  Little children swarming like flies when your Mercedes glides to a stop at a traffic signal, begging for a few coins to appease their hunger.  NRI's, no longer used to scenes of abject poverty in their adopted homelands, have forgotten the art of ignoring a beggar's dramatic entreaties.  'To give or not to give' becomes the question.

3. THE TRAFFIC: Even Indians in India agree the traffic is truly horrendous!  Rickshaws piled with children going to school jostle for space with stray dogs and cattle, on roadways buzzing with cars and beeping horns.  As a non-Indian friend of mine observed, "It's difficult to comprehend how there are not more casualties on the road."

4. THE FILTH: NRI's can talk till they're hoarse about the filth in India.  Walk around on any street and you see people spitting; urinating on the streets; eating and throwing away their garbage right on the pavement.  As a conscientious NRI, on my first visit back home, I carefully held on to my garbage until I reached a friend's house.  When I asked her where I could dispose off my trash, she took it from me and in one swift movement, threw it in the open trench beside her own house.  I give up!

5. POWER CUTS: If you've stayed with family or relatives in India, you've likely experienced the joy of power cuts.  Without any notice, the electricity Board will cut off the power supply.  The reasons can range from a storm that lasts 15-20 minutes or 'load shedding'  - when power generation capacity falls below electricity demand.  As a precautionary measure, officials will kindly disconnect vast areas from the network, with no intimation of when the connection will resume.

Sigh.  There's still no place quite like India, though!

TOP 5 REASONS WHY FOREIGNERS LOVE INDIA

I met with my fabulous editor, Laura Wine Paster the other day. She had just returned from a ten day trip to India. She was exhausted, but exhilarated. "I had an amazing time," she said, "and I'm going back!" Just like Oprah, I mused. She laughed and said, "That's what everyone's been saying to me!" From Arnold Schwarzenegger to Oprah Winfrey, What is that foreigners love about India and it keeps them coming back?  After conducting a ridiculously unscientific poll, here are the
TOP 5 REASONS WHY FOREIGNERS LOVE INDIA:

1. THE SPIRITUALITY: As the global community becomes increasingly capitalistic, the quest for spirituality has grown in urgency. India, its people, its infrastructure and indeed its very soil encourage and breed spiritualism. Sharell Cook says that one of the things that impressed Oprah so much about India is that people don't just talk religion in India - they live it. From poor people in chawls, to movie stars such as the Bachchans, everyone has a space devoted to prayer in their homes. There is a dedicated practice of going inwards and reflecting on something bigger than the self. Oprah admitted she hasn't felt like this anywhere else. (http://www.whiteIndianhousewife.com/2012/oprah-at-the-2012-jaipur-literature-festival)

2. THE CLOTHES: "Indian fabrics are soooo beautiful," said Laura to me, and I have to agree. From the rich-looking brocade to the ethereal muslin to the classic Indian silk, Indian fabrics are much admired and display every shade of the rainbow.  One tip: When visiting, wear black or dark-colored clothes, because no matter now posh your accommodation you will get covered in dust. 

3. THE WARMTH OF THE PEOPLE: In developed countries there is an ongoing trend towards non-interaction. Whenever possible, modern technological facilities ensure you can perform most of your daily tasks without actually having to talk to anyone. Not so in India. Everyone in India from the street cleaner to the average mom-and- pop-store owner has a phone. And what do they use it for? Speech! Not speech-in-quotes or a text transmitted over phone lines, but actual "talking"!

4. THE FOOD: Everyone loves to (over)feed a guest in India. My mom calls it "hostile hospitality". From masala chai and street food to puris and chole bahtura - India offers an immense cultural smorgasbord - which no true-blood foodie can forget.

5. THE LURE OF THE TAJ MAHAL: "I was going to actually give the Taj a pass and skip it," said Laura. "After all, how many times has one seen the Taj in movies, images, brochures etc. But I went along because the rest of my group wanted to view it. And I'm glad I did. It's a remarkable experience." I would concur. The Taj is timeless. And, part of the magic of seeing the Taj in person is the way the light of the sun and moon play off the marble.

The 2012 San Francisco Writers Conference - a perspective

Heard best-selling author Lisa See (Snow Flower & The Secret Fan; Shanghai Girls)...that, besides Speed Dating with 17 or more Agents was the highlight of the event for me.  The theme of the 2012 conference was traditional publishing vs. self publishing. There appear to be two overwhelming trends in the writing and publishing industry: 1) Self-publishing has exceeded traditional publishing in the last three years; 2) E-books will overtake print in the next five years, leading many agents to actively seek out hybrid deals where they are willing and able to work with self-published authors.

For those desiring to undertake the joys of self-publishing, Smashwords or the newly launched, BookBaby, brother to CDBaby, offer easier options for the uninitiated.  If you choose to go the traditional route for your debut novel or non-fiction treatise, the best tip to come out of the conference: Writing Query letters that make Agents beg, should have: a premise; a fresh, interesting voice and some real authority to them.  And, a smidgen of humor never hurts!

2nd Feb, 2012 ; What is Indianized Rummy?

For decades since the long period of British rule, card games such as Poker, Bridge and Rummy have been immensely popular across India where they are played both socially and within the family. Indian Rummy is a fun rummy game with a big sense of tradition. It is particularly popular in card rooms and casinos across India where, in certain jurisdictions, classic Rummy is a wagering game played in many a Rummy club. Ironically, 5 card poker or 'teenpatti' is not allowed in Indian clubs, being denigrated as a game of 'chance' but Rummy is given the thinking man's stature and played with pride

It is possible that Indian Rummy is derived from the United States as it plays like a cross between Gin Rummy and Rummy 500. It is similar to Rummy 500 in that it is played with 13 cards, one or two decks, two or more players and usually jokers (wild cards). However in the overall simplicity of turn by turn play, it is a lot more like Gin Rummy, which is its closest relative. If you like Gin Rummy, you are very likely to enjoy Indian Rummy.